All right let’s defy logic for a second and I’ll start by doing a long winded walk down memory lane that will probably lose you and not easily connect back to where it makes in the context of an album review for thrashy, Ska Punk band from Austin. Lucky for you, I sometimes recognize my penchant for blah-blah-blahing the figurative dead horse into a well refined paste and decide to sabotage myself into being concise*. So, unlike all the homemade recipes online that force you to dive and attempt to connect you to all the nostalgic memories and life affirming growth that apparently thousands of people experience when they perfect a damn 5 ingredient soup, I’m going to write in Big Bold Letters ‘END OF BLAH’ followed by Hans Gruber & The Die Hards and their album title. And since, I’ve already lead you down a seemingly never ending labyrinth on ‘what the hell is he even talking about already??’, I’m gonna follow this format for all future blog posts pertaining to Music Reviews.
So take note, and word to the wise, if you ever even had a single conversation with in public or on the phone, you can 100% judge whether or not the illustrative story is worth your time based on how boring you found that encounter to be. And hey, it’s all good, so without this disclaimer starting to rival the ones found in liner notes of Anti-Flag Albums, here we go now:
Anyway, back to defying logic through music. I bring this up because, while I’d like to think I’m weird and creative to some degree, I know for sure that I am no where near what anybody would call talented or possibly even presentable as a musician. For years, I have been intimidated by guitarists that can shred up and down the deck at blistering speaks, throwing in taps, slides, bends with the force of 1.21 gig watts and the speed of ‘Serious Shit’. That’s why I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea put forth to me by some music teacher I had that I can’t remember who told me that somehow ‘playing slower can be harder than playing fast’. Of course, a few years later, I was recording a demo with a street punk band, droning out some root notes at about a crawling pace with no drums behind and realized that yea, space between notes and having to anticipate each strum, no cup of cake or piece of tea.
So, leading up to me talking about, ‘title,’ AKA one of the best Thrashy Ska pieces of utter Mayhem, I propose another theory about music that would seem to defy logic: “It can be much harder to write a memorable short song (less than 2.5 minutes in length), than a longer one.” And sure, you could say, ‘What about TV Theme songs? Radio Jingles? Those Neener, Neener taunts we sang to piss each other off as Kids?’ All good points, but remember, we’re not talking about songs with the intent to annoy ourselves and/or cajole coinage from change purse to purchase. We’re talking about trying to create awesome and if you need proof that writing a long memorable song can be easy, here’s a very brief playlist that will take up the rest of your day:
‘Sex & Violence’ The Exploited
‘The Song That never Ends’ from That show ‘Lambchop’
Point is, it ain’t easy to write memorable, catchy awesome tunes that end faster than the spelling bees based off the vernacular of Hodor and when that happens, you best recognize, so cue the Magic Words:
‘END OF BLAH’
HANS GRUBER & THE DIE HARDS – ‘2’
So, for any y’all uninitiated Gruberites, let’s get a few things out of the way:
-Yes, the band name is an awesome reference
-No, they don’t only play Christmas Songs
-Yes, this list could have been longer
Anyway, unlike having a one-on-one conversation with your’s truly, when you pop in ‘2’, These guys waste no time diving right into a frenzy of rapid fire punk with of course, a good amount of Skacore in there as well. However, the biggest impression, considering how much I built it up, is that for a sound that is downright chaotic at times, these Grubies pack a huge punch in songs that typically clock in around a couple of minutes, some even barely a minute long, but they leave a lasting impression in much the same way that the Circle Jerks’ ‘Group Sex’ Album and Propagandhi’s ‘Less Talk, More Rock’ did for a lad I knew who was also prone to meandering into the third person at times.
Buttttttttt…. Just because some of these songs come in spurts, doesn’t mean they lack Epicness. Its been three days and Tommy Westphal’s name won’t leave my head space, nor the overwhelming urge to start a Conga Line thanks to an out of left field Lord Kitchener Cover!
Sound wise? I’d put it somewhere between The Dead Kennedys recording and Out Come the Wolves, or Post-Minor Threat if Ian MacKaye had decided to cheer up, learn a few jokes and maybe pickup a Saxaphone. There isn’t enough bandwidth in the internet to handle all the praise I could give this album, So shut me up and go get it now!
That Can be done at either Bandcamp: https://hansgruberandthediehards.bandcamp.com/
Or even better, go catch them on the Ska Parade Tour which is hitting Towns until February 1st and buy a copy from them direct:
https://www.skaparade.com/news/ska-parade-30th-annv-tour-jan-17-to-feb-1-2020
*Too late now, the damn disclaimers all ready a freakin’ mini-novel on its own!
The Ska Mission 